November 29, 2013
If we are to heal the planet, we must begin by healing birthing.
>>>:Agnes Sallet Von Tannenberg:<<<
I had a massage and a reading, tuning into the baby on the day of the 27th. The message baby gave was about birth and his timing. He showed my friend Dawn the number 3. as in 3 days or even the third. I felt it probably meant 3 days as things had really changed in me physically. More discomfort and immense grinding pressure in the evenings as well as more Braxton hicks in the past few weeks that were getting progressively stronger when they happened.
We had tuned in to this spirit a few times throughout the pregnancy & although not everything was to be the way it appeared, what came through regarding his birth and our journey together would prove to be in sync with my own intuition and the actual events as follows. I am very fascinated with the unseen aspects of our existence & believe with all my heart our children ‘choose’ us. Never an accident – always meant to be. So here we go……
On the morning of the 28th I woke up with some cervical mucous & a bit of blood. Wow. Could it be the day! Really?
I couldn’t get back to sleep that morning and it was only 6:30 am, not my usual wake up time. I had very spaced out surges throughout the day. The day before the birth
my brother came over so I could get my massage and reading at home. He was going to stay awhile when the baby was here to helps us out. Good timing!
Things slowed during the day however and I questioned whether this was really the day, but since doubt always got the best of me, I decided to prepare for it anyway by cooking a hearty meal in case it was going to be a LONG night.
It was a beautiful sunny day so my brother and me and the kids got ready and went outside for a crisp winter walk. I got my brother to pack my 2 year old Luca though! Ha ha. I saw a beautiful eagle on our way home and took that a sure sign everything was falling into its rightful place.
I had a bite to eat and went for a nap. Again. preparing for the unknown (getting better at listening to my intuition!).
After a few good surges when I awoke I had to go to the bathroom. Also semi unusual for me but I again I trusted my body was preparing! I made a hearty stew but mucous slowed down & continued to experience unevenly spaced contractions.
When I got Luca to bed I had a few surges that really got my attention. Although still spaced they packed a punch. I tried to get to bed somewhat early that night, around 10:45pm but woke every time a strong one came rolling in.
Michael fell asleep on the couch that night and had one more day of work until the weekend. Maybe things will pick up tomorrow after work? And then he’ll be home for sure. I just wasn’t sure if this was progressing to the ‘real’ thing? At least this time it doesn’t really matter. We don’t have to leave town so it’s just a matter of making sure mike would be home with me.
I’m still awake at 12 am. I just can’t really get to sleep, because the contractions that came, up to 20 minutes apart were really intense! But time passes in a strange way and now its 2 am. Mike woke up on the couch and is coming to bed. He was surprised that I was still awake and asks me if I thought he needed to stay home. At that point, I just wasn’t sure if this was just going to be a sleepless night like the other 3 births and then the real thing. I leave the room because I was waking Luca who was in my bed. He’s just too receptive to not notice something going on with me. So I got up.
I went to the living room & just started preparing my space. The day before I was having computer issues ha ha…and couldn’t get my playlist working. Computers just didn’t like me (must have been my birthy vibes). So I struggled some more with my laptop coupled with the intensely growing closer surges that knocked me to my knees onto all fours position, so getting that playlist going took a wee bit of time.
I made a complelty different playlist but it was perfect. I had hoped to find some didgeridoo tunes, because I liked the drone sound but didn’t think I had anything free of lyrics. But I just happened to find some music I forgot about and lo and behold, some didge music without lyrics and it was perfect. I mixed that with some lovely whale songs with violin which predominately played through much of my birthing time. The blend of very earthy deep tones and the flowing water and whale tones were the perfect combination for birthing.
I lit my candles and managed to smudge. I tried to get comfortable on all fours on my yoga mat with pillows and blankets. No. Then I tried hugging the birth ball. No. Hmmm. i didn’t like being upright when the surges hit and couldn’t even imagine sitting up through one…no toilet labouring this time! No way. Its about 4am now and I decide its time wake mike up. He would have had to get up around this time anyways for work & it takes him awhile to get with it and be awake. He began working on blowing up the pool a bit more, which I had set up and blew up a week before hand, but I didn’t blow up the bottom and it needed some extra air.
He fills the tub with water – YAY! I’m so happy I don’t have to, and as soon as it was ready I jumped in. At that point, I wasn’t planning on getting out anymore. Mike made himself coffee & readied himself for the journey ahead. Who knows how long these things will take!
The surges were now growing closer together and more intense with an immense downward moving pressure. I had never experienced such a concentrated intensity before. Perhaps babies head was much better positioned this time around creating a very even and focused pressure. I made movements in the tub that probably looked odd from an outside perspective. I felt myself stretching out in all directions.
A very persistent sharp pain manifested on my left side of my back which I couldn’t move through and mike rubbed my back. It felt soothing but didn’t move the energy.
(in our few readings Rowan spoke of Mike needing to rub my back).
Once the pain moved from the left side the right side began. I gathered that this was him rotating. I had felt this before. Things grew more and more intense and I had no idea how long I would have to manage riding this birth. All I could do was follow my body and began gently bearing down with the waves.
Mike lit the sage and smudged my back. That felt really good. Suddenly I began to feel nauseous. I called out to him to bring me a bucket – and then threw up. This was a FIRST! It was so funny to me because I was just literally talking to my brother about birth and how some women throw up and I never had done that. I always felt that happened as a good ‘energy clearing’ – and it sure did the trick!
I must have entered transition at that point. ha.
Mike cleaned out the bucket and added a few drops of Lavender! What a man. That smelled SO much better.
I kept having this intense sensation I really needed to pee and I kept trying. In the pool. It wasn’t happening. I was somewhat concerned because my thinking brain knows – a full bladder won’t allow a baby past it!
I tried to make myself pee. In between warming the pool water, mike would run the warm water on my back & a couple of times on my yoni to help me relax. It felt so awesome.
I asked to smell peppermint – because that helps you pee.
So I tried not to think about it and just let it happen if it was going to happen. Ha.
It must have been Rowan’s good engagement at that point, already.
I would get very annoyed when I felt a surge coming, positioned on all fours and then I’d loose my grip in the tub! A rope suspended from the ceiling may have been nice, but for some reason I liked stretching right out pushing my legs against the pool wall.
“There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don’t ask for it, it simply invades them. Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it.” – Sheryl Feldman
I prayed to relax & open every time I felt my tendons in the inside of my thigh cramping. I gathered all my energy to focus on relaxing my pelvic floor & bum, releasing my jaw and shoulders when I really just wanted to tighten up and resist. It took all my awareness and great conscious effort to release and let the power of birth take over – the inner voice spoke again when I tried to tighten ‘ resistance will cause more pain, resistance will make it take longer and be harder’. I heeded the counsel of my wise inner voice. I had no clue where I was at.
All I could do was surrender )O(
Gloria Lemay’s ‘Your either 2cm or there’s Head, echoed so much wisdom and I was happy to recall this morsel of delicious truth. Every time a surge came on I felt like I was free falling into an abyss & right near the end when I thought I would hit the bottom I learned to fly!
The mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it.
-:- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj -:-
I began making many deep low sounds. Alongside my funny stretching moves it was the only thing I felt I could do to channel this energy into a concentrated effort.
Despite what I perceived as pain with all my might I gathered this energy to help me open, guiding it downward and through my yoni. The more I embraced the process the quicker this babe would be in my arms. Right?! I found myself supporting my Yoni a lot.
Just gently holding it.
Feeling the changes.
I kept getting this lovely whiff of cinnamon and didn’t know where it was coming from.
I looked over and noticed this beeswax candle I had lit that was placed in a cinnamon stick candle holder caught on fire! (no worries, it was in a safe place on our woodstove).
It sure made a lovely smudge though and throughout this pregnancy I adored cinnamon in my oats A LOT. In many things for that matter – so it was perfect.
Our little 2 year old Luca woke up a couple of times. Once around 5 am and Mike got him back to bed. I have no idea how long that took. He then woke again sometime later, maybe closer to 6 am and Mike decided to just have him up. He didn’t want to be away and risk falling asleep!
Luca is just too receptive to sleep through something as immense as his sibling being born. Its ok…I wanted a family birth right! He was really awesome about it and didn’t even seem concerned even when I was making a lot of noise. I caught him looking at me quite peaceful & very observant.
It was getting lighter out now and Luca is quietly playing with wooden blocks near me.
At this point I’m beginning to OMmmm ~
It’s really all I could do to move the energy – down.
Mike goes to check the fire & I begin to OMmm again with the next expansive wave and my little sun begins to join me.
Although I couldn’t take my focus from toning I really relished this delicious moment of his presence, his playful light. That experience is what it’s all about.
I tried counting & drumming the side of the pool for a few good waves and got myself to sit upright, to encourage opening, even though it was SO intense.
‘Open – move down – relax’
And it always started feeling relieving right at the end, when the waves crashed to shore.
Michael sits in front of me for awhile. Eyes closed.
In his centered presence he reminds me to just allow the birth to happen. He sensed my impatience. Heh heh.
I had to calm down the ‘I want the baby to come NOW!’ in me. I when I said I didn’t know what to DO – I can’t let go, he reminded me that I WAS doing it. I really was. We were getting really close – I just didn’t know it yet.
My older son Sequoia and my brother Scott wake up, very knowing of the fact I was having a baby, and came sit in the living room, to join us.
But the energy became to active and I was getting distracted and uncomfortable from all the moving around, so I asked them to go play in the back – the play room.
I decide to check myself. I did earlier as well, very gently and it was warm and soft.
I gently reach up again and FEEL something! Whooohooo.
What is it?
It felt like the tip of a balloon?
I wasn’t sure how else it should feel I had never felt it the first 3 times. Other people did that. Smirk.
I don’t think it’s my cervix?
I think it’s the waterbag?!
Mike says I said ‘I feel HIS waterbag’ I don’t remember.
I didn’t know he would be a he, I actually thought he would be a she. Ha. ha.
Mike is sitting in front of me again. He had had his eyes closed for some time, When I expressed what I felt he said he saw things getting close – his energy vibrating – he was deeply turned on by all the energy around us. I found it amusing to hear him express himself, but I just couldn’t do anything, but smile inwardly.
Everything below felt electrified when touched.
I was SO encouraged now that I felt something happening, besides the intense pounding waves that rocked my bottom. The balloon was growing & the pressure was building in my bum. The energy begins to feel more dynamic – I think its safe to say – this was the release of adrenalin prior to birth. My OMmm’s turn into Roars.
I felt the bear in me. She was such a powerful force, one I feared but deeply respected. _/\_
And here it goes….
The beautiful birthing reflex begins.
The bearing down was steady now. NO breaks.
I had to slow myself if anything.
I felt the ring of fire – it took ALL my attention.
It felt like nothing I had ever felt before. This expansive round ball was moving through. It felt like nothing I felt before…the stretching at first felt like it was lasting a century….
I tried to do nothing. Only to remain suspended in this timeless space.
Stretching – stretching – stretching
A gust of courage stirred up my energies packing the ooommphhfff I needed. (adrenalin hey!)
I became ravenously hungry and ‘demanded’ the granola bars I made, shoved a few bites in my face and swallowed!
Moments after I felt an insatiable urge to push….
But it wasn’t really pushing.
It was a force – as powerful as the movement of the Earth itself, moving through me. PRIMAL.
Down down down…..
It was steady and strong and continual.
I felt myself expanding, ever expanding & surrendered to this force.
The bear in me was bearing down – my animal nature – wild woman took over.
I asked Mike to get behind me.
The ring of fire was longer than I had ever experienced. It lasted centuries. I went to feel it and instead of a head it was the caul… as time stood still and I felt this giant balloon coming through.
As it popped out I felt my baby rotate and as his shoulders began to emerge the sac broke.
Mike said he saw the babies eyes open & that his arms crossed over his chest and with that the rest of him came swooshing out. Mike received his baby and then gently guided him underneath me.
I waited a moment before I brought my baby up and to my chest. A gentle birth pause.
It was interesting to observe the directions I was moving in the pool throughout our birthing. I began facing north, then moved south – where I threw up – faced west for awhile – went back to north and then remained facing west, for the rest of the birth!
My baby was born facing East.
According to the medicine wheel this is very neat.
North is the place of wisdom – the grandmother’s – guidance.
South is the place of thunderbird (woman) and the element of fire – transformation and trust.
West is the direction of the Bear and the direction of turning within to welcome your power.
East is the direction of the Sun – of birth and rebirth ~
Birth was my ceremony.
My baby already pinked up at that point. The colour was great! As I happily called out ‘the baby is here’. I hadn’t checked at that point to see if this was my girl or not.
Just taking in this glorious moment. I kissed my baby and exclaimed how happy I was for us to be here together.
“The wound reveals the cure”.1 My belief is that we are suffering in birth from lack of passion; of love; of surrender; and from a misunderstanding of our own power, and I believe that these qualities can provide us with a way of healing birth and, at the same time, healing the earth. >:< Dr Sarah J. Buckley
We did it!
The kids and my brother came into the living room.
I knew I had felt something ‘extra’ by my hands and finally went to check. It was a boy. I knew his face looked very masculine. Handsomely masculine.
I was honestly surprised and a experiencing some disbelief. However, I was so proud of us that melted away. We did it. We took responsibility to a whole other level and proudly received our baby with our own hands. In our own home. Part of me wishes this is how we would have done it right from the beginning, but there were things to learn to get here!
in honour of the Warrior I touched within myself I wrote a poem – the wild woman wanted to speak
=:= Birth Warriors =:=
I am a birth warrior
On ancient ground – deeply rooted
I battled against my own fears
Doubts & worries
The foundation of my own conditioning
I conquered all things unspoken
You and I
Embraced the dance into the unknown
Trusting one another
Guided by the seen and the unseen
I am a heroine of my own tale
The mythic journey of the warrior within
This transformation ->>OURS<<–
I slayed the dragons of ‘what if’s’
And took back my power from those who feared
Your power – the power of the Wild woman
I licked my wounds
And entered the primal wilderness
Deep within me
Here I met her – Wild woman came calling
She guided me to myself
Untamed & unscathed
She showed me how to confront my shadow
My greatest enemy
She showed me pain and the healing that comes
As inspiration – in-spirit-i-on
The destiny of our own making
We are warriors of Birth
Stranding strong for all mother’s and babies
Ancient & new
Through US our story preserves the lineage of women
Wild women and their babies –
Our stories passed on through blood & bone
Voices of empowerment
are the echoes that ripple through time
Unravelling the spiral deep within our DNA
The labyrinth of birth and life
Coming full circle to meet the people we’ve been waiting for
The people of empowerment are coming
One >>>birth<<< at a time
We are we’moon
Guided by instinct (((O)))
Why a warrior?
The Spiritual Warrior is a person who challenges the dreams of fear, lies, false beliefs, and judgments that create suffering and unhappiness in his or her life. It is a war that takes place in the heart and mind of a man or woman. The quest of the Spiritual Warrior is the same as spiritual seekers around the world. The Spiritual Warrior faces this challenge with the clarity and awareness that this war is fought within himself and that Truth and unconditional love are on the other side of these battles.
A warrior, in contrast, is more autonomous and independent. A warrior engages in battle out of personal choice rather than because of obedience to orders. A warrior takes responsibility for his or her choices and actions. A warrior is a person of compassion who understands pain and the consequences of action. A warrior, however, when engaged in a righteous cause, fights with such skill, passion, intensity, and brilliance that victory is assured and achieves the liberation of others through his own story.
As Women we are Birth Warriors. We cut through the myths and false beliefs about birth that have been deeply conditioned and become birth knowledge. The time for the wise woman traditions to be reclaimed begins with each and every one of us. To listen again to the intuitive guiding voice and our instincts.