Ending this year ~ 2016 ~ What a ride!

 

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Early on in 2016 – Kaypacha from New Paradigm Astrology called it “the year of purification” & what a ride it has been.

For me personally the year was just really really intense. Early Spring I had a friend I met through the realm of ‘Spirit Time’ (Facebook) travel thousands of miles (or km lol) to seek healing. I know he was searching for community but we weren’t and still aren’t able to quite cocreate that. He was very sick. For the past 7 year’s after an Ayuasca ceremony he got super ill in a very cyclical nature. This was beyond a ‘purge’ and shortly after arriving here and making a home in my travel trailer with his dog Moon, he began a ‘purge’.  It didn’t take me long to get the feeling that this appeared much more like a psychic attack. It was very intense and boarder line violent. He’d puke and puke and puke. It was difficult to witness. He was afraid and the fear ran deep. This cycle had taken a huge toll on his health and doctors were dumbfounded by what was causing his kidneys to almost shut down and that was affecting his heart. They had no clue!

Right around this time my partner was preparing for his second traditional fasting ceremony. Our family was super busy. I became super busy with child rearing, helping support my partner, taking care of a garden & animals as well as ensuring our kindred friend wouldn’t die on us! He was far from home & I became afraid it was my fault for encouraging his journey here, even something had been telling him in all our conversations that his healing would begin here. I trued to keep on trusting that & comforting him the best I could.

When I returned home after a night away helping with the fast, I brought him in to the hospital. He was very dehydrated and passing out. His shadow emerged, angry, hopeless, but I tried to remain calm and supportive. I knew this is part of it. Healing.

I talked to my friend Dawn and when he was released, set up a massage for him, but I told her all about the Ayuasca ceremony and his cycling sickness after that and she wanted to ‘tune in’. Another friend mentioned another ceremony of Ayuasca to close that one. It seemed plausible. Maybe he had been in ceremony for 7 years???

Previous to this reading, we had talked about what he called ‘Bear walkers’, what you would think of as a traditional evil witch. Someone who puts bad medicine on you & that the path of ceremony, especially as a white bodied seeker, you may bump into. It isn’t ALL romantic shit afterall. There are medicine people who still have ego’s that need some tending! Some feel threatened by another’s power and we’ve lost so much knowledge about our ‘white’ brothers and sisters of the ancient pre Neolithic, nordic and gnostic ways. Our root knowledge and earth spirituality is so so similar. Shamanism appeared all over Mother Earth simultaneously and all shamans were women, at first! Anyways……

Turns out he did have bad medicine put on him by the Medicine man (not to scare anyone, but use your discernment and look at your intentions wisely). He crapped out 2 worm like parasites and it appeared that this man was loosing his following and his power to continue using my friend as a psychic trash can. Dawn helped cut the energetic ties and my friend remembered gifting this medicine man his drum, a power object that probably helped strengthen the link.

I was relieved to hear this and the work Dawn was able to assist. I had wanted them to meet for a long time and now it was clear why. My friend stayed awhile longer to recover but returned home. It wasn’t time to make roots here, at least yet and the healing was now truly beginning and continues to do so. I’m grateful he can now move on and make some real plans for his future without worrying about another ‘attack’. He is gifted in many ways.

***

After he left my own life was in a bit of reassessment. My partners fast went well but he fell into a darker space. I also knew I had to take better care of myself and we needed some time to work on our relationship. So many years of exhaustion catching up, feeling trapped in a cycle we cannot easily get out of. My partner hates his work but tries really hard to appreciate the aspect of providing for his family of 4 children. It is exhausting work in the bush and the hours are long. He hardly has anytime for anything. His body hurts and his mind is tired. It’s a real struggle i often feel helpless to offer solutions…..

What I do know is we need to build a vision of self sufficiency. I have no clue how but in my heart I know we need to build an offgrid homestead. Realistically I see no way, with the continual rise in the cost of living, but I have to hope on. We, have to hold on. We are all meant to live this way. Self responsible & sharing the abundance.

Our one and only adventure we went on as a family this past summer was a week long camping trip at a nearby lake. We needed the quiet and to unplug. We talked about all this homesteading stuff and trying to find a way to save money (no money saved yet). It was hopeful. A plan. I was suspicious of being pregnant, my moon was late. (Read more here: https://nurturingourwildness.wordpress.com/2016/10/27/spirit-baby/

….but after much reflection we both have come to the conclusion I got pregnant that camping trip after surrendering to the idea!!!! Although biologically it wasn’t ovulation time, but this spirit wanted a cozy invitation. A nest. Open & receptive. Funny. So many teachings & visions came through, also confirmed by readings with my confidant Dawn. Unfortunately, that pregnancy came to an end in October, the month of ‘pregnancy loss’. (I did an interview with Indie Birth about the sacred side of miscarriage you can here:

http://www.indiebirth.com/sacred-side-miscarriage-sabrina-wolf-moon/

I’d have to say that rocked me the deepest this year. I didn’t see it coming because I was sure, with that sheer determination this Spirit baby would make it Earthside. I still feel a bit lost and uncertain of where my next steps are going. I know in many ways the timing wasn’t quite at it’s best and that my partner already felt overwhelmed taking care of us as is. This spirit was gracious by seeing ahead. Seeing the possibility and the struggle. She didn’t want that struggle for us, only the joy and the blessings of another child. Its been tough. Teetering between relief to get some shit organized a focused & feeling lost and sad not to be with child anymore. The constant reminders of seeing babies, bellies, symbols of her and the feelings of it all having been just a dream. I began dreaming more of babies after loosing mine than while pregnant. I have 2 dreads in my hair that i started weeks before loosing her, that remind me. And . It’s good. I don’t want to forget.

What I do want is more understanding and clarity of what to fo next. It’s not coming, and so, all i can do is continue releasing….letting go.

Letting go

letting go some more…..

…until my cup is empty enough to refill and hopefully with that the guidance will come. It’s a reflective time and a time of doing without doing. What can we be grateful for with such a powerful and intense year? Lots of people I witnessed experienced loss and it certainly has been a year of loosing ‘stars’ in our celebrity workd. Time to check in or check out!  After clearing all the bullshit and preparing new ground comes the time to plant new seeds of how we want to continue shaping our lives.

Those 2 experiences I shared with you really brought me the gift & realization of my own strength, compassion and the power of my mind. I did  heavy letting go work, when I miscarried, so much in a short time, because I walk that path of life as ceremony and learning and at the same time, some sadness I coukd not clear and I honour that will heal with time, not force.

I really love New Paradigm Astrology and have been following Kaypacha’s Pele reports for some time. It’s always bang on for what i’m picking up already & i honour a good astrological interpretator to bring understanding to the energies going on. YOU’RE NOT CRAZY! And it’s not always OUR stuff. We are all friggen connected, like it or not, through a field of energy. It’s kinda like floating in a pot if soup lol the broth being the unifying field. Dig? Ha ha.

Anyways. Time to take a good look at the good. Take a good look at self. Are you only thinking about yourself and your side of the fence? Are you narcissistic and don’t even know it? Not knocking self care etc but don’t prioritize only your own happiness and self gratification. How can you help the whole with your pursuits, your energy, your joy? How can we give more and take just enough?

How can we be more real? Less pretentious? Less masks, attempting to hide your own bullshit from the world? We do have blind spots others see. How can we stop the cycle of saying the right things & acting completely different than what we’re saying?

You can feel this shit with your gut! Trust it.

You are loved even when you dont see it ~ already whole. Just know it. I know it ain’t easy. Too call home parts of yourself you’ve put away because they hurt.

Reflect on your blessings and see the harsh experiences as teachers. That’s the only thing I can do. Not that that necessarily means anything. It’s all about the MIND and training us to be vigilant in our ability to use the power of thought wisely. You are Jedi’s in training. Truly.

With that, I will leave you with the last Pele report of 2016 & much more soul retrieval and heart awakening blessings for 2017 ❣

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“The older and more objective I get,
The more I clearly see,
The world needs some serious attention,
More than a party for me.”

 

 

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